A look into the future of the new Premier League season

After absorbing the Premier League previews of many respected publications, Eight by Eight’s Jackson Culley downed a pint, peered through the mists of time, and produced this guide to the probable events of the 2015/16 season.

Most likely to Win the League: Arsenal

A balanced squad, new-found pragmatism, and confidence from back-to-back FA Cup wins should see the Gunners on top of the league come season’s end.

Most likely to be Relegated: Norwich, Aston Villa, Watford

Norwich are a perennial yo-yo club and almost all the players with Premier League experience have been relegated recently. Watford are more QPR than Swansea; the Pozzo family money was enough to get Watford to the top flight but their indecisive approach will likely doom the Hornets. The arrival of Tim Sherwood has Aston Villa scoring more goals, but the way they were brushed aside in the FA Cup final, along with the loss of several of their best players, does not bode well.

Most likely to be Sacked First: Quique Flores

In the 2014/15 season the Pozzo family hired and fired four managers and still got promoted. Why stop now?

Most likely to Go Out in a Blaze of Glory: Bournemouth

While the club seems to have a chance of staying up, Eddie Howe’s penchant for expansive football could lead to a lot of high-scoring draws and losses. At least the campaign will make for a great YouTube end-of-season highlight reel.

Most likely to have the Wrong Player sent off: Sunderland

I can’t put my finger on why I think of Sunderland as the Charlie Brown of the Premier League. This seems like some that would happen to good ol’ Chuck. Again.

Most likely to feature unceasing references to Steve McClaren’s umbrella and dwelling on the English national team’s failures: West Ham United vs Newcastle United, x1000 if they somehow end up facing each other at Wembley.

This matchup is also likely to bring references of Slaven Bilic’s musical endeavors. 

Most likely to have VERY tense and worried supporters: West Ham United

The last two clubs to part ways with Sam Allardyce were relegated the following season. Olympic Stadium could feel pretty roomy in the Championship.

Most likely to wink and grin wolfishly at your mom: Tim Sherwood

’Nuff said, luv.

Most likely to seriously concern pundits: Everton

Roberto Martinez aspires to play football “the right way.” He deserves praise for that. However, should the Toffee’s defensive performances resemble last season’s, expect to see plenty of raised eyebrows from Gary Neville.

Most likely to adapt quickly to the Premier League: Andre Ayew

His speed, technique, strength, and tenacity are the hallmarks of a successful Premier League player. He just needs to up his tattoo game and he’ll fit right in.

Most likely to be annoyingly fun to watch: Stoke City

Mark Hughes’ evolution of Stoke City continues with more Barcelona washouts. It’ll be a blast watching them turn over top six sides — that is until “Stoke away” is next up on your club’s fixture list.

Most likely to be fed up with getting slapped by Louis Van Gaal: Ryan Giggs

Seriously Louis, stop it. Seriously.

Most likely to not be OK: Brendan Rodgers

It was your name in that envelope, wasn’t it Brendan?

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